Sue Gillies-Bradley, M.Ed is a Registered Psychologist and has provided counseling and support to individuals and couples for over 15 years.  

Living and working in Canmore, Alberta for the past 7 years, Sue uses her extensive training and warm approach to provide a positive, supportive counseling experience. 

Through the counseling process, clients have opportunities to recognize and acknowledge issues, gain insight and move towards healthy, fulfilling changes.

If you attended the “Balance, Boundaries and Blahniks” seminar on June 21st – first of all, thank you!  If are looking for the article entitled “Things I Should(n’t) Be Doing”, click  here.  You’ll find the article as well as some other potentially valuable tips. 

With the start of a new year, we all seem to feel like we need to set lofty goals for ourselves and our lives.  It is an opportunity to make a fresh start and learn from our past mistakes and disappointments.  However often when making resolutions, we tend to plan what we should do more of: whether it’s exercising, being more healthy in general, advancing in our career or making our relationships stronger.  There  is nothing wrong with having this motivation but it often mean that we add more expectations and pressure on ourselves.  This can easily feel like an additional weight on our shoulders.  And most of us haven’t made a new years resolution to gain weight!
This  year instead of adding yet another goal, expectation or “should” to your already busy and full life, why not take the opportunity to let go and lose the weight of  worry, frustration, guilt and regret.  You can start by asking yourself  the question – “in which parts of my life could I Care Less?”

To Care Less does not mean to not  care at all, but I believe we all have areas of ourselves, our relationships, our work and lifestyle that we could carry less “weight” around with us.   When we care too much with worry, anxiety and guilt and when we take responsibility for things that aren’t really ours, it takes precious time and energy away from the things that do really matter.  We make choices every day about what we focus on – the things we can control and change or the things we can’t.  If we spend too much time focusing on things that aren’t our responsibility or that we can’t control, we start to feel powerless and frustrated.  And heavy.

HOW TO CARE LESS:

About Perfection: If you have expectations that you have to be perfect or near perfect in your life, you will be setting yourself up for failure. This is a goal that is impossible to meet.  It is not always possible to say the perfect thing, look perfect, have the perfect life – house, family or job.  If you can Care Less about perfection, you can use your mistakes (and you WILL make them) to move forward, to instigate change and to learn what you are really capable of.

About What Others Think of You: How we are perceived by others is mostly out of our control.  We can do and say all the “right” things and someone else may still choose to see us in a different light or think negatively of us.  This is generally about their own issues, not ours.  When we Care Less about making the right impression or being popular or noticed, we can recognize who we really are and attract people in our lives who can appreciate our real selves.

About The Past: It is easy to use the past as a roadblock for our self-esteem and self-confidence without even realizing we are doing it.  We all have regrets and even traumatic events in our lives.   I do not suggest you  forget about what has happened in the past because if you  try to repress or deny your history, it will becoming a different kind of weight to carry around.  But what I do suggest is to Care Less about the regret and the guilt –  you can’t change what has already happened but you can use  the lessons of the past to move forward, to become unstuck and to make your present and your future different.

About How You Look: It’s ok to spend time and energy into your appearance to feel better about yourself.  But you can Care Less about the things about our body you  can’t change – your height,  the shape of your nose  and even your  body shape.  You can dress to feel good about yourself and exercise to gain muscle and appreciate what your body is capable of.  But you can Care Less about how you compare to others, what you think you “should” look like and embrace your body as healthy and alive.

HOW TO CARE MORE:
When I talk to my clients about changing their negative thoughts, I will usually  tell them you can’t just STOP thinking a certain way.  You have to replace the negative with a positive.  When you find yourself caring too much about the things that weigh you down, you can practice caring more about the things that you have decided actually making you feel lighter.

About Your Health: You can care more about your health –  not in a way that adds an extensive exercise or eating plan, but in paying attention to how your body feels.  This doesn’t have to take a lot of time or energy, just a different focus.  It’s about taking care of your body and listening – to when you’re really hungry, to how good it feels when you are active, when you need rest and when you need extra attention – like a massage or hot bath.

About Who Cares About You: Instead of focusing people who you want to impress, you can care more and refocus on who  in your life accepts you, no matter what.  When you  recognize the family and friends you do have and accept their positive energy and influence, you can gain confidence in ourselves in all other relationships in your life.

About The Present: Most of us are past or future thinkers.  We are either stuck in past regret or disappointment or busy looking to what could happen later in our lives.  You want to learn from  your history and  strive for the future but in doing this you can forget what is happening NOW and miss significant moments in our lives.  Remind yourself to “Be Here Now” because the present moment is where you have the most control and where you actually have the best opportunity to appreciate your world.

What Brings You Joy: In all of our goal-setting, we tend to forget what we already have, which is probably a lot.  It seems to be easier for us to identify what we want to change and be different in our world and often difficult to remember what has been there all along.  What brings you  joy are generally little things – the happiness and laughter of children, a hug from your partner, a great meal, sunshine, the mountains.  When you allow yourself to feel joy, even in the smallest of things, you have a foundation to build on becoming happier and more grateful.

The other day I had an interesting encounter that brought me some clarity on the topic of Caring Less.  I was on a run with my dog and getting more annoyed with her inability to heal properly.  A man stopped us to ask if he could pet her.  As he did,  he told me how he had recently lost his own dog, who was the same breed, same age and looked very similar to mine.  He looked at my dog with such love and loss and I realized that he was thinking I was lucky.  He could Care Less about how well she was heeling, he only cared that I had something in my life that gave me unconditional love and added joy.  This was such a clear reminder of my own “weight loss plan” in Caring Less.  We can all choose what we do care about  - like health, positive relationships, the present moment and for me, even my crazy dog.

“Fear less, hope more: Eat less, chew more;
Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more;
Love more and all good things will be yours.”
- Swedish Proverb

Life Strategy for November